Black Saturday

James and I aren't really Black Friday shopping. We do go out on Black Friday, but it's typically at like 7 p.m. From 5 years of working retail and 2 years of covering Black Friday as a retail reporter i've learned two things about this day: 1) I HATE it and 2) The deals aren't worth standing in line for 2 days

Even though we go out a good 14 hours after most of the other shoppers, we still do find some good deals -- Like the camera Santa bought me (shhhh, it's a secret). While we were perusing Target, we noticed a sign for a 32 inch flat screen TV for $246. This is the big gift that James and I are getting for each other so we were very excited to see it so cheap. Unfortunately Target was out -- but it was a 2-day sale and the little electronics guy said we should come back in the morning to see if any came in on the truck.

Now, i worked at Target for 5 long years so i should have known better than to listen to anything this pimpley teen was telling me. Anyone who works at Target is trained to say at least one thing: Come back tomorrow. We may get some on the truck.

But the truth is this people: We are lying. We have no idea if trucks even really come (I never once saw a truck).
But we bought into the lie and showed up at Target 20 minutes before it opened Saturday morning. I don't know why we thought we'd be the only ones there, but we weren't. The parking lot was crawling with soccer moms in minivans. At about 7:50 we started lining up at the door. I felt embarrassed: after all those years of avoiding Black Friday, here i was lined up on Black Saturday.

I whispered the game plan in James' ear: Don't worry about me baby. You just rush on through. Don't let these old ladies slow you down. Walk fast. I'll catch up.

It was clear from every one's conversation that we were all there for the cheap TV. One lady tried to pretend like she didn't care if she got on or not: It's no biggie to me. I didn't get it yesterday and i still went home happy. If i don't get it today I will still be happy. It's no biggie to me.

Umm, yeah right Golden Girl. It is a big deal to you which is why you drove 35 miles up here and have been waiting in your car since 6:45 a.m. -- i heard you tell Sophia next to you!
Golden Girl went on to talk about how Cabbage Patch kids started the whole Black Friday mess back in the 80s and how people were killing each other over the dolls. And how she never was able to get one for her daughter, but it was ok "because she still turned out to be a successful young woman."

Seriously! Are we seriously standing close to this woman!

Every time a Target employee tried to walk-in, Golden Girl would start yelping: It's time, it's Time!

I finally said: Nope, not yet. They are just going to work.

Finally the time came and we rushed in -- it wasn't a mad Black Friday rush, but close. I was kind of disappointed in James at first. I expected him to be leading the pack to the TVs, heck he was a good 40 years younger than the people in front of him (and the old lady poking him in the back). But he's too sweet to push old ladies even with me behind him saying: faster James, faster. Don't let her beat you.

98 percent of the crowd made a b-line to the TVs only to find that no truck. I even pulled some strings with a former co-worker and asked her to do a location check in the back, but still no luck. Oh well, at least Golden Girl was able to get her 48 year-old daughter a Cabbage Patch!

Come again? You saw Lil Bro doing what?!

So last night James went to Walgreens on a semi-late chocolate run for us: i needed some peanut butter cups, and he needed some dark chocolate (other than me).

When he got back he was laughing hysterically:

James: When I pulled up to the drug store guess who i saw?
ReRe: Who?!
James: Lil Bro. He was leaning against a red cutlass, smoking a cigarette....and peeing. Peeing right in front of the store!
ReRe: What?! Are you sure it was him

(I was pretty sure it was him from the sounds of the story, but i was hoping it was not Lil Bro. My momma raised us better than to pee outside a Walgreens!)

James: Oh yeah, it was him. He said 'Hey James! I really had to go!'

After i laughed hysterically with James and got over the shock, i immediately called Lil Bro to let him know that as funny as it is to pee outside while leaning against a stranger's car, it's also illegal and i'd hate for him to have to register as a freak.

I think (hope) Lil Bro's public peeing days are over. Yeah, it was fine when he was 6 and he could go discreetly in the park. But being 18 and going in a parking lot is a different story.

ReRe as a blond

Believe it or not I have my blond moments. James says that sometimes he wishes he had his own blog so he could tell the world of my blond moments. In dedication to my hubby, i'm gonna suck down my pride and reveal one of those moments.

Caffeine has always give me headaches so i try to avoid pops and coffee. But i LOVE me some iced coffee -- i make it at home:

ReRe: I want to get some coffee so i can make an iced coffee.
James: Ok.
ReRe: Do they make coffee that has no caffeine. I know they have 1/2 caff, but is there such a thing as no-caff coffee?

There was a very long pause. James put down the paper he was reading and slowly turned to look at me. He spoke very very slowly and quietly:
James: Baby...that's called...DECAFFEINATED coffee. And it's been around for a very long time.

I'm embarrassed to admit, but this was news to me! I'm not much of a coffee drinker, so i guess i always assumed "Decaf" was a brand or flavor!

New Moon: The ReReview (but no spoilers!)

Words can not express how excited i was to see New Moon this past Saturday. I had class earlier that day, and while everyone else was immersed in learning how to write and present the perfect grant proposal, all i could do was count down the time till i got to see Jacob Black's abs of steel.

When class got out, i went home with every intent to nap for two hours so i would be fully ready for the evening, but stupid E! had a New Moon special on. So instead of napping, i watched behind the scenes clips.

The movie started at 8:25, but the plan was to get there by 6:30 so we could be ready to get seats. I headed to the mall at 5 in search for the perfect Team Jacob shirt (don't hate on me. yeah, i'm team Jacob. Abs aside, he's way less strange than Edward). I went to my favorite mall store: Hot Topic.
Once again i immediately felt old. But i didn't care. I rummage through the pile of Twilight merchandise: hats, shirts, squeezie bottles, backpack, lunchboxes, iron-on patches, etc.

I found the perfect shirt: shirtless Jacob. I also struck up the best conversation with a little guy who worked at Hot Topic:

Hot Topic Guy: Oooohh. Great shirt choice! So, you are Team Jacob?!
ReRe: Thanks! Yes, i am! I love the abs, even if he is only 17.
Hot Topic Guy: Jacob is soooooooo hot! He's way hotter than Edward. Jacob and Emmet are my favorites.
ReRe: Yeah, Emmet is hot too.
Hot Topic Guy: If it were up too me, Emmet would walk around in a thong during the entire movie.

I had no response. What do you say to that!

I grabbed my shirt, met up with my girls and we headed to the theater. Thank God we went early. Folks were already lined up. We plopped down on the floor in line and proceeded to wait until seating began. It would have felt like eternity if we didn't have the luxury of people watching. That helped us pass the time and soon we were in our seats and staring at Edward (yeah, i'm Team Jacob, but i'm also a healthy woman who can't deny that Edward makes social anxiety look really really hot).

New Moon was great -- but compared to the low-budget Twilight it couldn't be bad. The wardrobes (for the most part) were way better. The acting was better. The lighting was better and the special effects -- especially with the wolves -- were amazing. It stayed truer to the book than Twilight did, even though the end was not accurate. I think overall it was well worth the 2-hour wait and sore tushie i got sitting on the floor.

But of course I do have suggestion list for the future movies. Even though i know the third movie has already been shot, i do hope the directors read my blog and may consider some of these changes:

1. Get Bella a new wardrobe. Yeah, she's just a regular girl, but come on, why are all the other actors in good clothes and Kristen Stewart is wearing her own jeans and Keds to the set?
   
2. Why does Edward have to be suuuuch a weirdo. He always looks like he's in pain. Even when he's kissing. What's up with all the grunting? He always looks like he's on the verge of crying. It's too much.
3. Why must Jasper have a blond curly perm? Yeah, he was probably turned into a vampire when that hair style was in -- but i'm sure it was NEVER in for MEN. So please get rid of that hair.
4. More wolf pack please. Taylor Lautner worked hard for those abs and they need to be shown wayyyy more.
   
5. Get rid of the little Asian kid at the high school. His hair is too much for me to take, and that dude clearly is more into Jacob than any of the girls at the school.
   
6. Get a new Rosalie. I think Nikki Reed is gorgeous -- but not as a blond. So either let her have her natural hair color, or get a real blond. The wig was distracting.
   
7. Don't let Edward go shirtless again. It's just not fair to have shirtless Jacob and then make Rob take off his shirt. It would be one thing if Rob took off his shirt next to Jack Black, but don't make him do it next to Taylor Lautner. That's just rude.
8. Get Kristen checked out for Turrets. She blinks a lot and i'm convinced something is wrong.
   
9. Emmet should join the wolf pack and go shirtless. Yeah, i know it's not in the books, but lots of things aren't in the book but are in the movie, so roll with it.
10. Make Rob shave his chest. The squiggly black chest hairs against his pale vampire skin are distracting. Not as distracting as Bella's blinking and Rosalie's wig, but still distracting.
    

Potluck Friday

This has been the longest week ever. But it's Friday!

1. Lately I've become addicted to Freebirds World Burrito. They have this soup that is amazing and i love the soft tacos. But my addiction may have to end. On my recent trip i got my usual: soup and tacos for $7.55. I'm one of those peeps who saves all receipts and balances my check book like a maniac. So the next day when i was doing my accounting i noticed that Freebirds drafted me for $8.68. Yeah, a $1.13 is not much, but it's still more than they were supposed to take (and if they charge everyone an extra $1.13 they are making some dough). So i call and talk to the manager and he tells me he has to go through the receipts from that day and he'll verify i was over charged and call me back (he also blamed it on my bank: sometimes the bank add a gratuity. Ummm, no they don't. sometimes greedy burrito boys add a gratuity). I'm still waiting on burrito boy to call me back. I may just have to go in there and act all kinds of crazy for my $1.13. Lesson learned: only use cash at Freebirds.
   
   
2. So last night was Jeana's last episode of The Real Housewives of Orange County. She says she's leaving because "i'm sick of all the drama." But i think the real reason is because the real estate market in California is in the tank, which means it's hard to be on a show about materialism, fake boobs, mansions and multiple cars when you don't have any of that anymore -- well, i'm pretty sure no on can repossess boobs, but you know what i mean.
   
   
3. James and I watched the worst movie the other night: Year One with Jack Black and that dude in the running shorts from Juno. Neither one of us knows what happened at the end b/c we fell asleep from boredom. But the parts we did see were TERRIBLE. I made sure to get that back to the redbox immediately because i was NOT spending more than $1.08 on that.
   
   
4. What am i jamming this week: "Whatcha Say" by Jason Derulo. Love it:
   
   

My nerdom revealed: New Moon

This post is gonna prove my true nerdom...and i don't care:

I CAN'T FREAKING CONTAIN MY EXCITEMENT FOR NEW MOON.

Yes, i'm one of those Twilight freaks who has had their ticket for more than a month. Yes, I'm one of those freaks that secretly hopes Edward, or Jacob or both will one day come to their sense, drop Bella and get with me! Yes, I'm one of those freaks who read every book (i hated the last one), watched the first movie multiple times in the theater (when it came to the dollar theater) and has the soundtrack and DVD.

Yes, i'm a Twilight Freak and this Saturday at 8:25 p.m. I will be sitting with a group of other freaks as we scream and go ga-ga for a 17 year-old fictional werewolf and vampire.
Here are my top 10 reasons why I can't wait for New Moon (in no particular order of importance):

1. They have a budget! If you saw Twilight then you know that there was like zero budget. I'm talking bad dye jobs, Goodwill wardrobes and "special" effects that were not special at all. But New Moon trailers reveal that Summit actually spent some money on this movie.
   
   
2. Taylor Lautner. Yeah yeah, I've got him by more than a decade, but he's still above the age of consent and dude is HOT! The whole dang wolfpack is hot!
   
   
3. Edward. enough said.
   
   
4. Wigs. I hear the actress who plays Rosalie is sporting a wig in this movie because last year's lack of budget required her to use cheap dye, which resulted in her hair falling out.
   
   
5. Dakota Fanning plays an evil character. I like me some Dakota and i'm excited about seeing her get all evil.
   
   
6. Blinking. Kristen Stewart blinks more than anyone i know, and i'm excited about counting how many times she blinks while saying cheesy stuff to Edward like "You are my everything" blink blink blink blink.
   
   
7. Hot Topic. Twilight always calls for a T-shirt. I'm in search of a snazzy Team Jacob shirt for this viewing, which means i will be heading to Hot Topic. And you all know how much i love that store!
   
   
   

EbeReRezer Scrooge

Every time i look outside and see my neighbor's Christmas lights -- i'm talking candy canes, wreaths, Santa's sleigh -- i roll my eyes.

Does this make me a Scrooge?

Don't get me wrong, i love me some Christmas and i can't wait to decorate, but i prefer to wait until AFTER i've had some turkey. Come on people, it's not even Thanksgiving and I am pretty sure your kids are still eating Halloween candy so why in the world are dancer and prancer all lit up on your yard. To make things even worse, they even wrapped Christmas lights around the scary football player they have on their porch for Halloween. They are like the Griswalds, but less entertaining!

Our routine is to put the tree up usually the weekend after Turkey Day. I make a pot of chili and james, the bros, me and what ever girlfriend is around (this year it's the same as last year and that makes me smile!) put up the tree. James and Lil Bro usually put lights on the house a few days later as well.
This is my plan for lights this year:



(I will be the Ditto house!)

Time Travel James Style

The other day James noticed that a Tide commercial was using the song "I'm Cool Like Dat" to advertise it's new cool rinse formula. This excited him: "Man, i wish i could go back in time and tell folks that this song would be used for a Tide commercial!"

Are you as confused as I was? He was seriously serious about this.

ReRe: If you could go back in time, you would tell me people about this song on a commercial?!
James: Yea!
ReRe: Wouldn't it be better to tell them about the war in Iraq, how a black guy was elected president, or even better, how about tell them to buy as much gas as they can cus it's gonna be about $3 a gallon?!
James: Nah. All that would scare them!

Potluck Friday

It's Friday!!!!

1. TGIF! Well, Lil Bro is not saying TGIF because he will be getting a root canal in about 5 hours. I'm actually impressed that while i type, he is sleep on the futon behind me. Many of you may remember that when we scheduled this procedure last time he chickened out. Looks like Lil Bro is feeling brave today.
   
   
2. Speaking of teeth. I'm overdue for a cleaning, so i called my dentist to schedule an appointment. I thought i was pretty flexible when i told the woman that i can do an 8 a.m. appointment, 9 a.m. or 1 p.m. But she told me i probably wouldn't get in until May -- unless someone cancels! My response was: "May?! As in the month of May? As in 7 months from now?!" Seriously!? When James called a few weeks ago he got in within 2 weeks. Whatevs!
   
   
3. I watched Orphan the other night. I love me some scary movies, but i'm picky. I need more than gore and tricky camera angles. I want a semi-plot. And Orphan had it all for me! I highly recommend. You gotta love a movie that makes little kids swinging look freaky as H-E-Double Hockey Stick.
   
   
4. I'm on the Winter Celebration Decorating Committee at work. Anyone who knows me is probably laughing. I don't have an artistic bone in my body. Well, maybe writing, comedy and wittiness are artsy fartsy, but i'm not crafty. I will never subscribe to Home & Garden magazine and my daughter better not be counting on me to make her wedding dress -- or anything. But i'm on the committee! Wish me luck and pray that my co-workers don't end up sitting at foil covered tables eating bologna sandwiches surrounded by poorly decorated pine cones!
   
   
   
5. Yesterday someone cut off James' catalytic converter from his truck while it was parked in the lot at one of the nursing homes he was treating patients at. Seriously?! What jerk face cuts off the catalytic converter from someone who is giving seniors physical therapy? Whoever did it will not be getting a Christmas card from us this year. (Stay away from the Del City area -- the police said they've had a string of these in parking lots lately).
   
   
6. What song is ReRe jamming this week? "Shake It" by Metro Station. This is usually not my kind of jam, but we dance to it in zumba and it makes me smile.
   

A Motley Morning

Once again I've shamed my husband with my lack of knowledge of Motley Crue -- "the best hair metal band ever" (James' words, not mine).

The shaming started about a week ago when i was watching Hollywood Ex-Wives on E! One woman was talking about her marriage to Vince Neil and i innocently asked: "Who is Vince Neil."

I thought he'd never pick his jaw off the floor. But he forgave me -- but i don't know if he's going to forgive me for this morning's question:

While driving to the gym, the radio hosts were doing their celebrity dish. One of the stories was about how Pamela Lee said she's over Tommy Lee and he travels all the time. I, once again, innocently asked: "Why does he travel so much. Is he in a band or something?"

James almost missed the parking spot.

"Is he in a band?!!! He's in Motley Crue!"

Oh no, i thought, i did it again. I should have stopped asking questions, but i proceeded:
"Really? Has he always been in Motley Crue?"

And then i got a little bit of history:

"Yes! Yes, he's always been in it. He was in before Vince Neil and after Vince Neil got fired and still in there when Vince Neil came back. Actually he's the one who got Vince Neil the job in Motley Crue."

I didn't have the guts to ask my final question: What does Tommy Lee do in Motley Crue.

I guess I'll never know...

Envelopes Please...

And the winner of Re-Rambling's first Giveway is:

Laura J. who submitted the October 31st, 2008 post titled: Happy Halloween!

Laura wins a $100 Target giftcard! Thanks to everyone who submitted a post. My gallery of readers said it was very hard to pick a winner, but the last line of Laura's submission -- "Let's just go home. I pooped my pants."-- sealed the deal.

Thank you again to all my readers!

Good Hair vs. Bad Hair

I am not a documentary person, but Chris Rock's Good Hair has really piqued my attention. It's about black women and their hair: how we style, why we straighten it, how dangerous the products we use are. Only Chris Rock could take a subject like hair and make it hilarious:


From weaves to relaxers to nappy fros, he talks about it all. I've heard some folks are mad at the documentary because he's "giving away the secrets" of black women's hair. Well, Chris doesn't have to give away Re's secrets, i'm more than happy to tell:

I'm ReRe, and i have BAD hair. For folks who don't know what black peeps mean when they say "bad" and "good" hair, it's simple: bad hair means i have to go to the beauty shop every 4-6 weeks to get it relaxed (that's black girl terminology for straightened) or i will look like Don King. Good hair means you can go awhile without having to do anything to your hair. Basically your hair looks like Beyonce's every day (even though we all know that's a weave).

Speaking of weaves. Another confession: I'm ReRe and i have worn fake hair. I've never had a weave -- i don't like the idea of anything being sewn or glued to my head. But i did rock out some micro braids back in high school and i looked FINE. I also have worn the fake pony tail that you just strap in the back. But don't worry, the tips of my pony were never a fiery orange or purple -- my momma raised me right.

As much as I and as the documentary joke about hair, it really is a big issue to black women -- right behind complexion. I remember being little and putting a towel on my hair, pretending i had long, straight hair. I envied my mom whose indian blood gave her curly reddish hair that she never had to relax. I always heard "You got your hair from your daddy." Which was code for "Bad North Carolina naps." When Middle Bro was born, he had big beautiful curls. And when he grows it out, it's sandy brown and gorgeous. Lil Bro on the other hand got his hair from his sister!
My mom used to always joke that i had better marry a man with good hair or my kids were gonna be (colorful word) in the hair department. Maybe that's why i brought home a white boy -- that almost guarantees my kids are gonna have good hair. NOT! I've seen some mixie kids with some ROUGH hair, especially if their parents don't know how to care for it.

Good Hair says the black hair industry is a $9 billion business. And i believe it. I go see Ms. CoCo every 4-6 weeks and drop $90-$100 to have my hair relaxed and styled. Yeah, i could buy a $6 box relaxer at Sally Beauty Supply, but my hair is wayyy to rough for that. that sucker would only last me a day or so.
I also learned in this doc that the relaxer chemical is dangerous. I'm not surprised really. I knew something had to be strong and dangerous to make my tough stuff straight. Plus if you've had a relaxer, you've probably had a relaxer burn on the top of your ears. OUCH.

To get you through until you go see Good Hair i'm giving you a list of rules:

The rules of black women's hair:

1. Don't touch our hair. Nothing drives me crazier than folks just touching my hair because "i want to see how it feels." I spent most of elementary school pushing kids' hands away from my head.
2. Don't ask to touch our hair. I've never been so intrigued by someone's hair that i wanted to touch it. this is just weird to me.
   
3. Don't ask if we wash our hair. Yes we wash our hair.
4. Don't get our hair wet, or even pretend you are going to. Just because i wash my hair, doesn't mean i want you to wash it. No splashing in the pool.
   
5. Don't ask us if our hair is real. That's like asking a man if he's wearing a toupee. If you have to ask, chances are it's not real.
6. Don't be surprised if our styles change drastically from day to day. (see #5 is you want to know how this is possible).

Child's Play

James and I played house again this weekend. Our two little nieces came and spent the weekend. No, we didn't make them help with laundry -- they were too busy picking up leaves in our backyard.
It's amazing what kids will do when you say things like "I don't know if you are big enough to help bag leaves" or "I bet sissy can put leaves in the bag faster than you can."
My nieces are smart and they always say something that makes me think:

While driving to our house, i sent James a quick text message to tell him the girls and I were headed that way.

My 5-year-old niece: Aunt ReRe, how are you driving with one hand?
Aunt ReRe: I'm not driving with one hand.
My 5-year-old niece: Yes you were. Your phone was in one hand and the other hand was driving.

BUSTED! Who would have known that my niece was the youngest opponent of texting while driving?

But i got her back. She's learning to read and likes to look out the window and tell me what things say:
My 5-year-old niece: Aunt ReRe, i want to go to McSonic.
Aunt ReRe: McSonic? I don't know where that is.
My 5-year-old niece: There is it. (she points over to the sonic as we drive by it)
Aunt ReRe: That's not McSonic, that's Sonic.
My 5-year-old niece: That's what i mean.
Aunt ReRe: Well, i didn't know that's what you were talking about and now it's too late cus we already passed it.

Potluck Friday

Happy Friday! This Friday would be way better if i could breathe and if i had a sense of smell. But oh well. TGIPotluckF

1. Black Dog, Black Eye, Black Jack Taco. I LOVE LOVE LOVE that commercial. But i'm sad to say that the commercials are way tastier than the actually taco. Maybe it's because the Taco Bell i went to me is tre-ghetto, but my taco did not taste any different than the regular tacos. And the shell is actually a blue corn shell -- blue is not black.
   
   
2. If you missed the premiere of "V" this week you MUST check it out. I was on the edge of my seat. I'm an alien nerd. I loved me some Alien Nation back in the day and i've watched all the movies on Hulu. V is gonna be good -- and not just because Morris Chestnut's fine self is in it.
   
   
3. I grilled some chicken breasts the other day and my mouth was watering when i thought about coming home to eat one for lunch. But Lil Bro opted to eat two whole breasts in one sitting. Seriously? At least it's not fishsticks though.
   
   
4. I want to see the movie Precious, don't get me wrong. But i think the promos for it are TERRIBLE. I'm not talking about the trailers, i'm talking about all the interviews by the stars and people who have seen the movie. "Heart wrenching" and "Painful to watch" is how my girl Ellen described the other day on her show. Who wakes up and says: Let's go see that movie that heart wrenching and painful to watch! I get the point folks are making, but come on marketing folks, stop it!
   
   
5. What am i jamming this week? Beyonce's "Sweet Dreams."
   

Ladies and Gentlemen no more

Am i the only one who hates when restaurants try to get all fancy/trendy/gimmicky/kind of clever when they name their restrooms? What ever happened to the simple "Ladies" and "Gentlemen" or even "Men" and "Women." Heck, i don't even mind the simple "M" and "W" (as long as it's not in calligraphy that makes it hard to tell what the heck it is).
Yesterday I did a five second pause at the bathroom at a samich shop called Bison Witches (yummers). I was torn between whether i was a "Witches" or "Bison." In hindsight the answer is simple, but when you haven't gone to the bathroom since 7 a.m., you don't have time or the patience to process whether Bison are male and if male witches are actually called "witches."
One time i went to a western-themed church (yes. it was in Dallas) and the bathrooms were labeled Lassos and Lasses. I was so confused. If i had a restaurant I would label the bathrooms: Innies and Outties.
While were on the topic of gender, i must say that skinny jeans on men is a big NO-NO. Another trend i hate on men is them carrying Louis Vuitton backpacks. Lil Bro even does this. He also has a LV wallet. Every time i see Lil Bro leaving the house in his big baggy pants, ghetto-gangsta T-shirt, a black and mild behind his ear...and his LV man purse i crack up hysterically. It's like seeing 50 Cent order a non-fat latte with a side of fruit.

Fishsticks : part deux

I'm not a fan of keeping things from my husband. James knows most everything -- from how much i truly weigh (not what i tell the DMV) to what i think about his family's cooking compared to my family's -- and the things he doesn't know yet i plan on telling him over the next 50 years.

But there is one thing i've yet to tell him in the last 24 hours. I haven't told him that once again Lil Bro almost burned down the house cooking fishsticks.
When i came home for lunch yesterday, i walked into the familiar aroma of burnt minced fish.
ReRe: Are you cooking fishsticks? (i was using "cooking" very loosely)
Lil Bro: Yeah, i cooked some. I already ate them.

I go into the kitchen to find that Lil Bro had left the oven on and a small fishstick that had fallen off his platter was still cook on the oven floor.

Lil Bro: Aww man. Is that still on?
ReRe: Yes! Yes it is. How long ago did you cook your sticks...wait, don't tell me. I don't want to think about how long you left this oven on or the fact that if i had not come home for lunch i might not have a home.

A few folks have suggested that i stop buying fishsticks all together -- but teen food can be expensive and fishsticks are cheap. I know if i tell James, he'll want to institute a rule of not allowing Lil Bro to use the stove/oven when no one is home. I thought that idea was silly at first, but the more i think about it, the more i like it.

A part of me wonders if Lil Bro is trying to take me out and make it look like an accident. Ok, not really, but who knows, maybe he's still mad at me because when i was 16 and he was 6 i pretended like my room was a toy store and i would sell him broken crap and junk. Or maybe it's the time that i played the Spice Game with him: this consisted of me propping him up on the counter top, blindfolding him and making him stick out his tongue while i sprinkled different spices on it. It's not my fault i didn't realize a 6 year-old wouldn't know the difference between paprika and chili powder. And maybe it was a little misleading when i talked up coco powder like it was going to taste just like chocolate.

On second thought, Lil Bro has a good case for trying to smother me with minced fish.

Jerry in advertising is crazy!

Anyone who knows James well knows that he LOVES shoes. He loves trying them on, looking at them, comparing one shoe insert with another. We can't get out of any store without him asking: "Baby, do i have time to look at shoes before we leave?"
I usually groan at this question -- but never again will i groan.
Saturday James asked the question as we were about to exit JC Penney at the mall. I thought about telling him we didn't have time -- and then quickly making up a place we needed to be. But i was feeling chipper so i agreed to peruse the men's shoe department with him.
After about 5 seconds i realized that the customer up at the counter was NOT happy. His conversation with the sales guy went a little like this: "Price gouger. yada yada. I want to see the manager. yada yada. This is F-ing ridiculous. yada yada. I'm slamming this shoe on the counter because i'm a big whiny jerk. yada yada."
It didn't take long for everyone in the shoe section and surrounding departments to take notice -- Everyone but James that is. My husband is not one for drama or gossip. He always minds his own business. He continued to just look at shoes and then was ready to go. But hecks to the no. I told him i was not leaving because this was getting good and this would be some great Twitter material.
I whipped out my phone and gave status updates as the crazy customer, who revealed that his name was Jerry and worked in advertising, got even crazier. Screaming and yelling and cursing and banging the shoe on the counter. Apparently he was upset because he thought the shoe he was buying was $50 cheaper than it actually was. He said the salesman showed him one shoe -- the cheaper shoe -- but was ringing up another shoe. The salesman assured him that they were the same shoe and that the price was correct.
But Jerry wasn't buying that story -- and he wasn't going to buy the shoe unless he got $50 off. He told the salesman: "I have a witness here." His witness was his wife who was sitting down trying to hide her face. I felt sorry for her.. but that didn't last long.
Soon Manager Mary came out. Mary Manager gets a gold star for the way she handled this situation. Working with the public is hard enough, and is even harder when you have a crazy customer (God knows i wanted to slap "guests" at Target on a daily basis for 5 years).
Mary tried to calm Jerry down. Telling him she was sorry about the misunderstanding on the price, but that it would not be changed.
But there was no calming Jerry. He continued to yell and scream and slam the shoe on the counter. Mary then told Jerry that security would be called if he didn't stop shouting and banging the shoe on the counter. And then Jerry in advertising straight lied yelled "I'm not yelling."
Manager Mary held true to her promise and called security: "Would you please send security to the shoe department to remove a customer -- and tell them to run."
Go Mary.
This made Jerry's wife angry. She hopped out of the chair and proceeded to tell Mary that she and Jerry had more education than Mary.
This made me laugh: umm, Mary, if you had so much education you wouldn't be married to a guy wearing brown loafers with no socks. What is this, an episode of Family Ties. Is Jerry channeling his inner Michael J. Fox or cast of St. Elmo's Fire. Seriously dude. And don't get me started on Jerry's Michael Bolton style silvery jeri-curl.
Jerry's wife finished her rant by telling Jerry: Don't worry, we will file a complaint and we will file it in our own way.
"In our own way"??? What the heck does that mean. Are they gonna take Manager Mary out? Manager Mary didn't seem scared.
When the security guy arrived he was not happy: "You are going to leave now sir. I had to run over here and i'm not happy. So you have two choices: leave or be arrested."
Apparently the well-educated Mary and Jerry had some teenagers roaming the mall that they wanted to collect. But security dude told them that he was sure they could call their teens from the parking lot. BURN!
I must admit that Jerry and Mary were the highlight of my Saturday -- I don't know if that was a good thing or a bad thing though.