Potluck Friday May 29, 2009

It's time to Pot Luck it up! Happy Friday ya'll! (yes, i say ya'll in real life, i also put ranch on french fries -- i'm an Okie).

1. A few days ago I was watching some show counting down TV's funniest phrases. One of the clips was from Perfect Strangers. I used to love that show. But something odd about my experience with it is this: Cousin Balki is why I don't like tons of chest hair. Yep, 6 year-old ReRe made a promise to herself that she'd never have a boyfriend with as much chest hair as Cousin Balki. Gross! Little ReRe also promised herself never to date a guy with a curly mullet like Cousin Larry. Thank you Perfect Strangers.
   
   
   
2. I hate those voice automated operators that say things like "You can say anything," but when you say "Pay bill," they respond "Buy ticket to Sri Lanka, is that correct?" HATE. THEM. I had this experience when trying to pay my T-Mobile bill the other day. I finally got fed up and just kept hitting zero until a human came on. I told her the issue:
   ReRe: I'm trying to pay my bill, but the automated chick is not working out.
   T-Mobile Devil: Oh I am so sorry ma'am, I'll be happy to help you. Sometimes the automated system can't understand you if there is background noise or if you speak while she's speaking.
   I let her think i was from a Third World country and she had just told me something I didn't know.
   ReRe: Oh, that's good to know!!! Thank you!!! I will use that next time, but I'll just pay with you for today.
   T-Mobile Devil: No problem! It will be an extra $5.
   ReRe: What?! It's an extra $5 to pay a real person, but no charge to deal with the chick who has no idea what i'm saying?
   T-Mobile Devil: Yes.
   ReRe: So, because you are human and can understand me, I have to pay more money?
   T-Mobile Devil: Yes. We set up the automated system as a convenience, a free convenience.
   I feel bad words about to come out of my mouth, so i take the high-road.
   ReRe: Fine. Hand me over to the automated idiot.
   T-Mobile: Thank you for choosing T-Mobile, and have a great day!
   
   
3. I finally rented some of the True Blood episodes on DVD. Even though I loved the books, I will NOT be a fan of this series. I can't even begin to explain how BADDDD the acting is. And the fake southern accents will make you want to call T-Mobile and chit chat with the automated lady. So bad.
   
   
4. I'm used to mosquito bites, but for some reason this year i'm having a very bad reaction to them. Last night I thought I was going to itch myself to death. I have them all over, you'd think i was running the back yard nekked. It's bad. I feel like I have the chicken pox. I'm scared to shave my legs because i no longer have legs, just two bumpy logs. boo. (James just walked in and said: "did you mention how your scratching kept your husband up all night?" so i added this for him).
   
   
5. Remember when i told you about the neighborhood shooting? Well, the other day, Drunk Neighbor stopped by our house while we were out working in the front yard. He was talking (slurring) about how crazy that shooting was, how ghetto those folks are, etc. And all i wanted to say was: It wasn't too long ago you had a body passed out on your porch! People in fiberglass houses shouldn't through beer bottles, dude!
   
   

Make My Day gone too far

Recently there's been some controversy in the Oklahoma City area concerning the Make My Day Law. For those of you know familiar law, in short it's a law that says you can use use deadly force to defend your residence (car, home, etc.) against intruders. Basically, if someone breaks in, you can shoot them without fear of prosecution.

Last week, two teenage boys broke into an Oklahoma City pharmacy. The teens were armed, and the pharmacist also had a weapon. The initial report given by the pharmacist after the event was that the teens fired at him, he fired back in self-defense, shooting and killing one of the teens.
But yesterday footage of the shooting surfaced, showing that, yes the teens were armed, but when the pharmacist (Jerome Ersland) fired at the now-dead teen, the teen went down. The pharmacist then ran out of the store to chase the other teen. He then came back and grabbed a second gun (first gun was apparently empty) and stood over the teen (who was unconscious and unarmed) and fired 5 more rounds into the teen.

Many folks are divided on this issue. Some folks believe the kid got what he deserved and should have thought twice about trying to rob a store, and some folks believe the pharmacist was right to shoot the first shot, but used excessive force in the last 5 shots. I agree with the latter.
It's one thing to shoot to defend yourself, but it's another to shoot someone who is unconscious.
The pharmacist is now being brought up on charges. Over night he went from Make My Day hero to accused killer. I think they should also add dumb-a$$ to the charges because seriously, did the guy not realize there was a freaking video camera in the store? Did he think that no one would look at the tape and see that his original story was crap?

In no way do i condone what these kids did. They were wrong. But so was Ersland.

You can see the video here. What are your thoughts?

Blogger's Note: Sorry for the downer of a post, just wanted to fill folks in on issues in my area.
I will make you laugh tomorrow. Promise!

Thinks that make me go hmmmmmmm.....

I recently saw a commercial for Alli and i almost fell off the treadmill. It went something like this: Alli rewards you for healthy eating and sends you signals for unhealthy choices.
Now, i've never tried Alli, but I've heard enough about this product to know that "signals" is not the same as "crapping your pants." Yes readers, the "signal" Alli sends when you eat something bad (aka delicious) is a "treatment effect" (aka shizzing your pants). Every time i see the commercial with Winona Judd, all i can think is "Judd shizzes her pants!" Once on the radio, folks were calling in and telling their Alli tales. One guy called and said his wife lost tons of weight and looked hot -- but they no longer slept in the same bed because he was sick of her having accidents (and he wasn't talking about peeing). You know a product has some issues when the back of the box says to "wear dark colored pants."
So, I think Alli should reword its commercial to say: Alli rewards you for healthy eating and punishes the sh!t out of you -- literally -- for unhealthy choices.

Another thing that makes me go hmmmmm:

This morning while driving back from the gym, I was behind a Town & Country minivan that really caught my eye. The back window was tinted very dark, and in big white letters (professionally done) read the words: "Norman Chrysler Jeep Dodge LIED to us to make this sale. "
Now, i have nothing against the above dealership, but i can't help but want to high-five the people who bought this car! What a kick-butt, out-of-the-box way to get the last word, the ultimate birdie! Wouldn't it be great if we all did stuff like this? I'm thinking about putting something like this on the back of my CR-V. It will read: "Carmax charged me $175 to fix my driver's side door -- yet i'm still stuck in my car. Thanks a lot Maggie at the front desk who can't take notes."

Ok, so maybe i'll have to wrap the words around a bit.

That is all.

I think i had TOO MUCH weekend!

After a day of this yesterday:






How is it possible that I'm EXHAUSTED today???
I guess too much swimming, grilling and chilling can make you sleepy. Hope everyone's Memorial Day was as great as mine.

Potluck Friday May 22, 2009

Not only is this Friday! But it's the beginning of a long weekend!!! I hope everyone has a relaxing Memorial Day and enjoy today's potluck.

1. I'm glad to know i'm not the only straight, married lady with a crush on Adam Lambert. Yesterday i spent a good 15 minutes talking to my CEO about his hotness. We both agreed that if he ever comes through Oklahoma for a concert, we will be there and throw our shirts at him!
   
   
2. Last night i watched So You Think You Can Dance and I'm confused. Why is that "dancing?" It should be called So You Think You Can Leap Through the Air and Roll on the Floor to Songs No One Has Ever Heard of? I want to see someone really DANCING on that show. I'm talking about busting out the butterfly, the cabbage patch even the stanky leg. something! Maybe I'm just not cultured -- but i saw zero dancing on that show.
   
   
3. Speaking of things that aren't dancing, I played Dance Dance Revolution -- or as the cool kids call it, DDR -- the other day and was disappointed. I thought i was really going to break it down, but it's basically a bunch of stepping, not really dancing. I wanted to pop, lock and drop it.
   
   
4. Saturday will be date day for James and me! We are going to the farmer's market to get some flowers for our front yard. After planting, we will go to The Little River Zoo. I'm very excited about some quality time with my boy.
   
   
5. I have a humor crush on Andy Samberg from SNL. If you haven't youtubed some of his digital skits from his comedy troupe The Lonely Island, you must. I think the troupe needs a funny black chick with an adorable smile and cute name, don't you?!
   
   
6. The mosquitoes in my backyard LOVE chocolate because they TORE ME UP LAST NIGHT. I'm never going outside again.
   
   
7. Last night i dreamed i was at work butt-nekked and all my co-workers acted like it was nothing, and i acted like it was nothing. It was so real. When I woke up i had to really think hard about whether that was a dream or not! In my dream, i did get a note from the CEO telling me that I was making one of my co-workers uncomfortable.
   
   
8. Proving that James and i are a perfect match, James dreamed that he was at school in just a pair of underwear -- a pair of underwear that were WAYYYYYYY too tight. hahahaha!
   
   
9. Marlie is doing very well with potty training, so i won't have to choke her! I'm very proud of James and myself for training her so well. Hopefully this will be good training for when we are potty training kids -- well, if we are training our mocha babies to go on a pad in the hallway or in the backyard. but whatevs.
   
   
10. Last week out our staff meeting, i did a zumba demonstration! Can't be a staff meeting where you do zumba together!
    

Not a good week for reality tv

So how did Adam Lambert lose on American Idol? No, let me re-phrase that: How did Kris Allen win?
Don't get me wrong. Kris is adorable and he is talented. But talk about dull-duh-dull-dull-dull. Maybe I'm just mad cus i have a Will & Grace type crush on Adam. I wouldn't want James to bust out guyliner, but it looks good on Adam, and I bet he and I would have tons of fun shaking it all night at the Copa.
I think Adam's early popularity did him in. He can blame it on Katy Perry for wearing the Elvis cape with his name on it. He can also blame some Christian radio stations for his loss at well. Apparently a few stations were telling folks to call in and vote for Kris -- who is a worship leader or something.
Again, don't get me wrong. I love the Christians -- i am one. But a part of me can't help but wonder if these radio stations were more concerned with just making sure the guy with the guyliner and the habit of dressing in drag and kissing boys didn't win. I'm not trying to play the gay card,but..ok, i am playing the gay card.
Speaking of gays, i'm disappointed in the gays for not backing up my boy! But i guess that's like being disappointed in me for Ruben and Fantasia not doing so great, so I'll lay off the gays.
I don't know why I should be surprised that Adam lost. This was the week for reality upsets. Shawn Johnson won Dancing with the Stars and she looks like a waltzing tree stump. I'm sorry, but i think child welfare should be called on her parents. All gymnasts' parents should be looked at closely for child abuse. Being 4'6 at age 10 is ok, but when you are 18 and still rocking out your 3rd grade body, that's just wrong.
Ok, i'm done being mean. It just doesn't suit me well, but i just had to get that off my chest! (chests: something gymnasts don't have. another sign of child abuse). ok, i'm really done.

More gun "fun"

So I think my post yesterday brought bad karma to my neighborhood.
This morning while sweating it off on the treadmill and watching the news, this story "Norman Shooting" caught my eye. I always listen up anytime something concerns my hometown. This story was not only about my hometown, it was about my neighborhood. Crazy!!!
First the video showed some houses -- they looked familiar. Then the video showed the street signs -- "Hey, that's my street!" I yelled out loud -- luckily most everyone else had on headphones.

So apparently over night there was a "domestic situation" 5 houses down from us. One woman was shot, another was arrested. The minute James and I pulled on our street, we made it our mission to see exactly which house it was. Before we found the house, i was joking about how it wasn't US -- the black folks -- causing the gun ruckus even though the night before we were shooting at each other.
But i spoke to soon. When we pulled up to the house in question, i remembered that it's the house that belongs to the "other black folks" on the street. DANG!

And then James said this:

"Man, those black folks are giving us black folks a bad name!"

Hahahahahaha.

Editor's Note: Contrary to what the last two posts will have you believe, guns are not a typical part of my neighborhood! Before the last two days, the most exciting thing that happened on our street was when Lil Bro forgot to set his parking break and his car rolled across the street. Oh, and last year we had a kick-butt garage sale!

No, that's not a gun in my pocket. I'm just happy you're my neighbor

So maybe it was not a good idea for me and the little brothers to be standing in my backyard with a big black airsoft gun, shooting my trees and the shed last night!

You know that feeling when someone is staring at you? Well, in the midst of shooting trees, lawn furniture -- and each other -- i looked over my shoulder and noticed that three backyards down, the older couple (with the beautiful backyard) were just standing on their back porch staring at us in shock! I waved -- but i made the mistake of waving with the hand that was holding the gun!

Here's the true scene: 3 siblings enjoying a night of family fun and bonding after a delicious dinner of fajitas and apple pie.

But here's what my neighbors probably saw: 3 loud black folks shooting each other.

I quickly yelled down to them: "Beautiful evening!!! This is not real!!!" And then I made James come from behind the shadows and wave at them as well -- he's like our white flag, our "we come in peace" flag! (hahahaha. i just realized that james is literally our WHITE flag!)

We are lucky they didn't call the police on our butts!

Watch Out Mickey Mouse -- i'm coming after you next!

Let me set the scene for you: DVD case pulled out from the wall a bit, front door wide open, me on one end of the entertainment center with broom in hand, Lil Bro on other end with broom.

We were on a mission: shoosh the mouse out of the house.

It all started last week when James was in the tiny laundry area and said he saw a mouse. After some online research, he learned that mice hate dryer sheets, so we stuck one in the small hole and added "mouse traps" to our shopping list. For some reason I decided it was un-lady like for me to buy the traps when i went on my solo shopping trip Saturday, so James said he'd pick them up some time this week. No biggie. It's not like the mouse was terrorize me.

But yesterday, that changed.

I was lounging on the couch watching some Lifetime and Lil Bro was lounging on the loveseat playing with the dogs when he suddenly said "Crap! did you see that."

ReRe: See what?
Lil Bro: I just saw a mouse!
ReRe: OMG!!!!!!! Where?!!!!
Lil Bro: It just scurried from under the chair and then behind the entertainment center.

This is when i start freaking. It's one thing for the critter to be in the laundry area, it's another for it to be chilling with me and my Lifetime movie. It's also bad that my two spoiled dogs have yet to catch the sucker. But in Marlie's defense, she did catch a huge cricket earlier that day.

Lil Bro and I wasted no time in preparing to catch the sucker, hence the brooms and opening of the door. We poked behind the entertainment center, jabbing at out-of-date game systems and remote controls, but the critter never budged. I actually never even saw him. I decided to put my ladiness aside and jumped in my car and drove up to Ace for two traps.

It took a good 30 mins for Lil Bro and i to figure out the traps -- without snapping ourselves (we did have some close calls).
I put one behind the entertainment center and another behind the washer. I updated James via text -- he was at work.

I didn't think the traps would work -- it had "cheese" on it, which was actually a piece of plastic shaped like cheese (it came with the trap). But to my surprise, about 3 hours later, James checked one of the traps and found our nemesis. I felt a little bad, but oh well, unless Stuart Little wants to kick in for groceries and mortgage, he needs to get out.

Looks like Lil Bro and I may have our own pest control business!

Potluck Friday May 15

Nothing is tastier than Fridays!!!

1. I think i'm going through puberty again. In the last week I've noticed to blemishes on my forehead. This is NOT GOOD. Two may not sound like a lot, but I am one of those blessed folks who never broke out in my teen days -- and now Mother Nature is trying to hit me hard. I may have to start using Lil Bro's zit crap.
   
   
2. Speaking of Lil Bro, I've noticed that every week he asks for a thing of deodorant. Last week when i was grocery shopping, he called to put in his request: chips, french onion dip and deodorant. I finally asked what was up with deodorant every week, i mean, seriously, how much can you use?! He said he just uses a lot??? He does take lots of showers, especially after he gets off work -- no one wants to smell like Quizno's.
   
   
3. James has seriously been contemplating peeing on the puppy pad to entice Marlie to go there. I told James that if he pees anywhere but the toilet it will be grounds for divorce and public humiliation. So far we are still married -- but i watch him closely every day.
   
   
4. I wasn't a huge N'Sync fan (my little brothers were and they hate when i tell people that!), but over the years I've grown fond of Justin Timberlake on his own. And this past weekend that love grew even fonder. Justin is the funniest cast member on SNL and that's sad cus he's not even a comedian or a cast member. If you didn't see some of his skits, you have to check them out. I almost peed my pants -- luckily i was by a puppy pad!
   
   
5. My friend was perusing Hobby Lobby (which is owned by the same folks who own the Christian store Mardel) yesterday and found some gum called "TestaMints." The package even had a little cross on it. It was hilarious and even funnier was what my friend's mom said: "What would Jesus Chew."
   
   
6. What happened to all the swine flu coverage? Are we over it now? I'm not complaining, i just find it odd that last week we were in a pandemic and this week all we can talk about his how Miss California got to keep her crown.
   
   
7. The Real Housewives of Joisey is going to be so good -- and delicious -- this season!
   
   
8. Speaking of The Real Housewives, i'm thinking of proposing to Bravo! a show called The Real Housewives of Cleveland County. It can star me and some of my friends! Fans can watch us doing fabulous things like:
   
   • snubbing our noses at people who shop at Wal-Mart. We'll be too good for that and will only shop at Target -- and we'll annoyingly call it Tarjay.
   • throwing down $50 at TJ Maxx like it aint' nothing!
   • complaining about the heat while at an OU football game. Maybe we'll wear big church lady hats at the game and fan ourselves.
   • Talking about how people are so jealous of our 2010 CR-Vs and other fancy cars.
9. I'm glad Danny Gokey is not in the finale of Idol. Anyone who sings "You are so beautiful" by choice should be eliminated immediately.
   
   
10. Bright an early last Sunday, Lil Bro called me (he had spent the night at a friend's house) and said "Happy Mother's Day." That made me feel so good.
    

Auntie Em, Auntie Em...I need some underwear!

So last night the weather in my parts of Oklahoma was windy to say the least. My county was under tornado watch, my little bros were driving me nuts about taking shelter (Middle Bro is scared of storms -- which is not a good thing for an Okie. And Lil Bro wanted to go take cover with his girlfriend -- I'd rather be blown away).
Our tornado plan for Casa de James and ReRe is kind of loose. We know that we'll take cover in my closet -- it's good size. We also know that we should have supplies in there, but we don't. But last night we cleared some space on the floor (moving my shoes and clothes that never stay on hangars) and threw a flashlight in there. We also hide granola bars in the closet from Lil Bro, so we knew we'd be covered with food. And my wedding dress is in there, and that sucker has enough material to cushion a good blow. So i went to sleep feeling prepared. But there was one thing left to do, and James woke me up around 11 to inform me of our last task:

James: Baby, get up. We need to make sure we have underwear on.
ReRe: Why?
James: In case a tornado comes.
ReRe: Again, why?
James: If our house gets blown away and I'm cradled in the closet, i at least want to have my... you know... covered.
ReRe: I'm glad you have priorities.

Proud to report that there was not need for undies -- a tornado did not touch down near us.

Calling all dog whisperers

Remember Marlie?

She's cute, huh?

And ReRe would hate to have to choke her, but if she doesn't stop peeing/pooping in my house (right by the dang puppy pad), I may have to.

And before all of you start hooting in hollering cus i threatened to choke a puppy, shut it!

I'm kidding. I won't choke a puppy, but that's all i can promise you.

Patience is not my thing -- ask James. While also being inpatient, I also have OCD when it comes to cleaning -- ask James again. We all have that friend or family member that when you walk in their house you have to crinkle your nose. Well, I REFUSE to be that friend or family member.

I can't stand dirty dishes in the sink, let alone a house that smells funky, which is why it's in Marlie's best interest to become housebroken yesterday.

In her defense, she is doing pretty good. At least she has found a favorite spot to do her business in -- right in front of Lil Bro's room. I'm considering making him move into the backyard in hopes she will follow.
I keep reminding myself that she's only 6 months old and house training take patience, but like I said, patience is not my virtue.
I partly blame my lack housebreaking patience on Charlie. When we got Charlie 2 years ago he was already housebroken. I made myself believe that all dogs were this way.

In short, I'm pleading with you for any and all puppy training advice. We have the puppy pads, we keep her on a regular potty schedule. We even have this spray crap that supposedly smells like grass and is supposed to entice her to go in a certain spot. We are spraying our own freaking grass with crap that smells like grass -- we are desperate, folks!

Most everything i've read talks about crate training. I know folks swear by it, but i personally don't like the idea -- it reminds me of doggie prison and i don't like the idea of her being in a crate while we are off at work. I know it's possible to train without a crate, so help me.

P.S. If your advice is "be patient," i will hunt you down and choke you :)

Don't judge me

Don't judge me.

I don't want to hear it.

It's my business how i choose to spend my evenings.

And tonight i choose to have some girlfriends over for dinner, wine and dessert....

While watching the premiere of The Real Housewives of New Jersey.

There, i said it.

Don't judge me!

When did fast food get so dumb?

Do you see anything wrong with this picture?


While headed home from a trip to the thrift store -- where i found an adorable piggy bank shaped like a cow (so i guess it's a cow bank) -- I couldn't help but notice this sign outside a Carl's Jr. I made James slow down so I could snap a photo.
Have you figured out what's wrong with it?
If you haven't, please stop reading my blog. I can't associate with folks who don't know the proper place for a $ sign. IT GOES IN FRONT OF THE NUMBER! I thought about going in and telling the manager about the mistake, but i remembered what happened last time I corrected a fast food joint about their spelling and grammar errors:

I was a sophomore at OU and a few of us walked over to the dorms to get some Burger King. (How am i still alive?) I was with my good buddies Downes and Joy. While waiting for our food, Downes pointed out a sign by the register. It read: If you order an 8 piece nugget, you get two sauces. But a 5 piece nugget gets one sauces.
"ONE SAUCES" We laughed for 7 minutes about the wrongness of "One" and "sauces" in the same sentence. Don't judge us, we were journalism students. The Burger King crew began looking at us. I decided to be annoying: "Can i add a 5 piece nugget to my order and get one barbecue SAUCES with that? Please, just make it one sauces. That's all i need. Just the one. The one sauces."
This continued for longer than i'd like to admit. We laughed all the way back to the student media office. But while i ate my burger, i couldn't help but think there was a good possibility that one of the kitchen guys added his own sauce(s) to my samich.

Anywhoo, speaking of Carl's Jr. and other eateries that don't always think things through reminds me of KFC. Last week KFC was giving out free grilled chicken meals. Apparently you just had to go online and print out a coupon. I tried to print the coupon but could not get it to work. Oh well, turns out that even if i had got the coupon printed, i still may not have got any chicken. Apparently KFC didn't realize that folks LOVE free food, so they were not prepared by the mad rush of people that came to get their free food and have decided to stop giving out free meals and instead issue rain checks.

Now, i know a little thing about rain checks. I used to issue them when i worked at Target. And if KFC's rain checks are anything like Target's, these people will never get a free meal!
But have no fear. If you missed out, you can live vicariously through Avitable.

Potluck Friday -- May 8, 2009

It's time for another round of Potluck Friday!

Here's a mix of thoughts rumbling in the mind of ReRe:

1. Oklahoma FINALLY has some swine flu!!!! Yes!!!! Am I excited about this? No, but apparently the local media is. Tuesday the first case was confirmed and one radio report i heard went something like this: "Oklahoma finally has a confirmed case of swine flu. We are not going to give the address of the woman, but we will say that she lives in Pontotoc County." Ummm, wait a minute. WHY would folks even want her address? So they can drive by and yell things at her like Swine Ho!? Or so they can roast pigs in her yard? I just thought it was weird the reporter made the point of saying "we are not going to give the address" like they usually give the address of folks with colds. And why are folks saying "finally?" Like the whole states been on pins and needles waiting for H1N1 to take over. Weird journalism.
   
   
2. Another thing I learned this week while watching the news is this: when an elderly person goes missing it's called a "Silver-Alert." I'm not kidding. Kerra told me that once, but i thought she was kidding. But she wasn't. I saw two Silver-Alert stories this week on the local ABC station.
   
   
3. I have a new theme song. It's from the Madagascar: Escape 2 Africa soundtrack. Cristina says i love this song because I escaped from Africa. She is correct! Anywhoo, i love the song. It's sung by Will.i.am from the Black Eyed Peas and it's my favorite song to get my zumba on to.
   
   
4. The other day I saw a commercial for Hellmann's Light Mayo. The commercial had all these men talking about how light mayo shouldn't taste "light." The problem I had with this commercial was that it had two black guys in it talking about how good Hellmann's was and how it didn't taste light. What's wrong with that, you ask? Ummm, anyone who knows black folks, knows that we don't don't do mayonnaise. Remember the movie Undercover Brother? What was Undercover Brother most scared of? His kryptonite if you will? It was mayonnaise.
   
   
5. Speaking of food, i found a great food find this week: Kraft Bagel-fuls. I'm slapping myself for not thinking of this concept before Kraft did. It's so simple: a microwaveable little bagel with the cream cheese already inside. The ones i bought had cream cheese and an apple-cinnamon filling. So good it made my tongue slap my forehead.
   
   
6. I'm taking Marlie to the vet this morning so we can get a fill of what she is, what she's got and what she needs. The vet THINKS she's going to do a fecal something-or-other on Marlie, but that won't be happening. Why does she think she's doing this? Because I told her i wanted her to do it. Why is not gonna happen? Because i'm not collecting any "samples" and taking it with me. Here's a convo i had with James a few days ago:
   ReRe: I'm taking Marlie in on Friday. They are going to do the whole shebang including a fecal scan or something, it's only $15.
   James: Good. So you are going to take in some of Marlie's poop?
   ReRe: Ewww, no! Why would i do that.
   James: Baby, it's a FECAL scan. That means they have to get feces. How did you think they were going to study her poop?
   ReRe: I don't know? Just look...inside?
   
   
7. Last week I started watching my calorie in-take more carefully. This morning I weighed myself and I lost 2 pounds. Don't get me wrong, that's good, but for some reason 2 pounds just does not seem worth all the yummy crap i avoided the last 7 days. I opted for a ranch-less salad on Monday. RANCH-LESS! That's a big deal. I'm an Okie. We put ranch on EVERYTHING. I'm talking chicken, pizza, fries, baked potatoes... Oh well, I'll stop complaining -- considering Tuesday was Cinco de Mayo and I vaguely remember some chips, queso, 3 enchiladas, a cinnamon-topped churro and 2 margaritas. Ok, nevermind. I'll take the 2 pound loss.
   
   
8. Tomorrow James graduates!!! I'm so proud of my hubby! He's worked so hard going to school. And he's truly someone who takes the field of physical therapy seriously. Love you sweetie, my sugar daddy!
   
   
9. This just in: President Obama is replacing the rose garden with a watermelon patch. At least this is what one of James' patients told him this week. Along with some deep tissue therapy, James offered the patient some duct tape for his mouth.
   
   
10. In closing, Sunday is Mother's Day. This is my third mother's day without my mom. This year I promised myself I was not going to be sad, cry, be angry or throw up every time I see a Kay Jewelry commercial. Well, sadly I failed on all of those things. But that's ok. The day is still special for me even though I can't directly share it with my mom. It's special for me because I can remember what a superb lady my momma was. And one day I hope to be 1/2 as superb as Felecia was. To celebrate my mom, here are two of my favorite pictures. One is of my mom and me rocking it out in 1986! I was 5! The other is my mom rocking it out in 1969. She was 18, a senior at Anadarko High School.

No title can sum up this morning adventure

Guess what?!

This is my 200th post!!!

And how did i celebrate the morning of my 200th post?

I was locked outside in my backyard, with no shoes on, at 6:45 a.m. and in the company of two crazy terriers who were determined to bark a squirrel out a tree.

How did this happen, you ask? Who would lock you out of the house at the butt-crack of dawn?

The answer to both those questions is this:
JAMES.

Before i tell the story, i do want to speak in his defense that it was an accident and when he found me plastered to the glass sliding door with a tear in my eye (i was exhausted and frustrated from knocking and screaming that i was just about to give up on life), he felt very very bad.

So, the alarm went off a little after 6. James took the dogs outside for their morning business and then brought them back in for some breakfast. Since we are in the midst of potty training Marlie, we make sure that right after she eats she goes right outside (we've made the mistake of NOT doing this and the results are never good and always funky).
I read on a puppy potty training site that instead of just tossing your puppy outside to do their business, you should go out with them and encourage them to "go potty" and then act like they won a Nobel Peace Prize when they actually do the deed. So for the last few days James and I have been going outside throughout the day and doing cartwheels every time Marlie poops or pees.
James made himself a bowl of cereal and headed to the backyard. I grabbed the book i've been reading and decided to go sit outside with him. I had on some pajama pants and a t-shirt. I opted for no shoes because i assumed we'd be out there for maybe 10 minutes.
It was kind of chilly this morning and the grass was wet -- i don't know if we got rain overnight or if it's just really dewy.
Marlie was taking her sweet old time. She did her business, but it was very very tiny and we knew she'd have more. James said he was getting chilly and was ready to go shower. I told him to go ahead and i'd sit out with Marlie for a little bit longer. So he went inside the house.
About 10 minutes I decided to head in myself. I had felt two distinguishable rain drops fall on my head. And Charlie and Marlie had spotted a squirrel in the tree and were going BONKERS. The last thing i wanted was to wake the neighbors, especially since the neighbor to the left already thinks that Charlie (who is 14 pounds) likes to chew through her fence so he can eat her maltese. We've explained that it's a opossum that chewed the fence and that Charlie doesn't eat dog, but she is still freaked out.
Anywhoo. I gathered up my book and jumped from the wet grass to the patio. I went up to the sliding door to come in -- both dogs at my heels ready to go in too.
I slid the door.
NOTHING.
It wouldn't budge.
I tried again.
Nope. Nothing. James has locked us outside.
That's fine, i thought. Surely he was getting out of the shower by now and he'd notice we weren't in the house and he'd come looking for us.
So I waited.
And waited.
I was sure he'd come to the kitchen for his second breakfast -- James likes to eat two breakfasts in the morning. Usually a big bowl of cheerios with chocolate soy milk and a couple of fried eggs.
But today he opted for just one meal.
DANG.
Well, surely he's still going to look for use. He himself said it was chilly outside. He wouldn't think that i'd stay out for too much longer.
NOTHING.
I started knocking on the door. By the way, it's hard to pound on glass, especially early in the morning. I even used my book to knock. I screamed "James." But i couldn't scream too loud because it was still so early in the morning.
What if he already left for work?
I could go through the fence and go in the front.
But i don't have keys.
I could pound on the Lil Bro's window.
Yeah right. He doesn't even wake up when i pound on him.
Bingo! I could call James on his cell.
Oh wait. I don't even have shoes let alone my cell phone.
CRAP.
I plastered myself to the glass, leaving an imprint of myself. I watch my hair frizz in the reflection.
This is the end.
But then suddenly I see James approaching -- he's fully dressed. While i was outside getting drizzled on and shivering, he was brushing his teeth, combing his hair, picking out an outfit (that looked HOT!)
He immediately opened the door. When he saw the one tear in my eye is face broke. The tear was not because i was angry or sad. I was just frustrated.
But the look on James face was enough for me not to get mad at him.
ReRe: You LOCKED me outside with no shoes on!
James: Oh Baby, I'm soooo sorry. I feel so bad.
ReRe: Didn't you notice I wasn't in the house? Didn't you wonder why i was still outside?
James: I just thought you were so into your book.
ReRe: I thought you had left.
James: But i never leave without giving you a kiss goodbye.
ReRe: You never lock me out in the backyard either!

Maybe this was TMI for Lil Bro...

Lil Bro is kind of quiet -- the exact opposite of me. Once a woman told my mom that a sign of a good mother was having children who were not cookie-cutters of each other. I already knew my mom was a good mother, and she definitely fit this sign as well. Middle Bro, Lil Bro and ReRe have all very different personalities.
But something we all do have in comment is our quick, snarky wit. And yesterday Lil Bro and I had a witty conversation:

scene set up: Lil Bro was walking through the house eating a typical teenage boy meal -- a family size box of parmesan garlic Cheez-Its. He offered me a handful.

ReRe: Man! These are tasty!
Lil Bro: I know, huh!
ReRe: I'm not kidding. These are really good. I'm going to have to buy me some.
we continue to munch and smack
ReRe: This is the best cracker I've ever had -- well, besides James.
Lil Bro immediately stops smacking and grunts.
Lil Bro: I don't know whether to laugh, or throw up.


I think we both laughed for half an hour about that!

It's like the Oscars, Emmys and Kid Choice Awards all in one!

It's time for me to give a shoutout to the folks who recently gave me some great awards.

Lil Woman over at Little Woman, Little Home tagged me in a game called Eights.


8 Things I'm Looking Forward To:

1. Drinks with Kerra tonight for Cinco
2. Bible Study tomorrow night -- it's my night to cook and i have something yummy planned.
3. James' graduation Saturday.
4. The June 6th cookout at the in-laws. I've been in James' family for 6 years and have never seen them cookout. I'm very excited about this. It's about dang time we use a grill!
5. Warm, dry weather that actually lasts. I'm ready to fire up my grill and chill in the backyard.
6. Doing something special for Lil Bro's 18th birthday next month.
7. Having mocha babies with James
8. Getting my hair done tomorrow -- i've reached a whole new level of nappy.

8 Things I did yesterday:

1. Shaved my legs
2. Worked out
3. Paid bills
4. Transcribed an interview for an article i'm working on. (I hate the way my voice sounds on tape).
5. Read my new book I got from the library.
6. Watched a TERRIBLE movie on hulu
7. Made nachos
8. Forced Lil Bro to sit on the couch with me for 5 minutes and let me pinch his cheeks and baby him (no matter what he says, he LOVED it).

8 Things I wish I could do:

1. Sing
2. Have James' metabolism
3. Be rude/ugly to people who warrant rudeness/ugliness
4. Stop freaking out when the house is not perfectly clean
5. Find my long dangly necklace that i like to wear with my black dress. Where is that sucker?
6. Figure out God's plan for me.
7. Eat pizza everyday and not gain weight.
8. Get paid for watching reality TV, blogging and saying funny stuff.
   

8 Shows I watch:

1. Anything on Bravo! (Real Housewives, Millionaire Matchmaker, etc.)
2. Castle
3. One Life to Live
4. Anything on Lifetime
5. The Today Show
6. Three and a half Men
7. How I Met Your Mother
8. Dancing with the Stars (i mostly listen to it while i cook, which probably defeats the purpose of the show).
   

8 Bloggers I'm tagging:

I'm lazing out on this one, mostly because I think i've tagged or awarded something to everyone on my blog list. So i'm tagging anyone and everyone who wants to do this.

On to another. Random Ramblings (great title if I may so so myself) gave me the Lemonade award. This is an oldie but goodie and i love getting this! Thank you!!!


Last but not least, TheMom over at Attentive Aphorist gave me the One Lovely Blog Award! What makes this award so cool is that it is a way to give a shoutout and show some love to the new blogs you've come across. The best part about awards is when people link to other blogs. I like that because I'm able to find other good blogs. For example, I found TheMom through the amazing Dr. Monkey. So I will be passing the One Lovely Blog Award to some new bloggers that I've recently stumbled across and i think are great!



Some folks i recently found and you should find too are:

• Swooning the City
• Children of the 90's
• Everything happens for a reason
• Kracker Barrell

Make sure you check out all the great folks mentioned in this post!

Marlie & Me

This is Marlie.


And this is me.


And this is Marlie and me.



James and I got Marlie (named after one of James' favorite musicians, Bob Marley) on Friday. She's adorable and so far really good. So we just may keep her -- but that all depends on what her big brother Charlie thinks of her. So far he's torn between mounting her and ignoring her. So we'll see.

Friday Potluck

Potluck time!!! yum!

1. Ok. So i'm confused about Swine Flu, H1N1, Biden Disease, whatever it's called. What makes this different than the other flu? And why are all the precautions for the flu this: cover your mouth when you cough, wash your hands, stay home when you are sick? Ummm, aren't those things we should be doing anyway?! I love how folks are giving these tips like they are news. I think they should add a few things to this "helpful" list: breathe, eat breakfast, shower daily, never watch a movie starring Beyonce. All of these will keep you safe from the Pig Cold.
   
   
2. I owe my hubby an apology. For months i've been teasing him about his new girlfriend, hulu. But I am now also having an affair with hulu. I luuuuvvvv it. I recently found some Alien Nation movies on hulu and have been tied to the computer ever since. I loved the show Alien Nation back in the day. The freaky heads freaked me out!
   
   
3. My Partner-in-Crime (Kerra) and I went to the dollar movie this week -- we are doing our part to cheaply stimulate the economy -- and watched THE WORST MOVIE EVER MADE: Confessions of a Shopaholic starring Isla Fisher. Words can not even describe how terrible this movie was so I won't even try.
   
   
4. But a movie that is not terrible, but instead is the exact opposite of Confessions of a Shopaholic is Slumdog Millionaire. Half of you are probably laughing now since Slumdog came out months ago and it's old news, but shut it. James and I are very slow to change and finally rented it from the Redbox (bless who ever created this). I'm usually not a fan of movies that win Oscars (i HATED Million Dollar Baby), but we decided to give Slumdog a chance and I'm happy to say that it has tied with Dirty Dancing as my favorite movies of all time (no one puts Jamal in a corner).
   
   
5. What up with people who jog around the YMCA? I've noticed that anytime i go to the gym, i see folks jogging around the vicinity of it. Are these people who are snubbing their noses at the idea of getting a membership? Is this the equivalence of taking your own lobster, table and chairs and setting up shop in Red Lobster's parking lot?
   
   
6. I'm not ashamed to admit that back in the day I was a HUGE Eminem fan. I was 16 and working at Burger King when i walked into the break room with my friend Michelle. She had on her walkman and told me to listen to it. It was her new favorite rapper, a guy named Eminem. I instantly was hooked and had an ear affair with him for the next 8 years or so, buying all his records, bumping them while driving to high school and even college. I even paid to see 8Mile and had the soundtrack. Well, Mr. Marshall Mathers is back after a hiatus. I listened to two of his new singles the other day and am sad to report that I think i'm too old for Eminem. :( And if I'm too old for Eminem, then HE'S too old for Eminem -- he's got me by 10 years!
   
   
7. Speaking music making you feel old, yesterday i thought TLC's Baby, Baby, Baby was coming on the radio ( i started getting excited since OOOh On the TLC Tip was my first CD)! But instead it was a song called You can get it all by rapper Bow Wow. Wow. When rappers start sampling music from my childhood instead of stuff from longer ago it makes me feel crusty. (I loved TLC WAY more than i ever loved Eminem. My friends and I choreographed dances to all of TLC's songs. I got in trouble for a risque dance to Red Light Special).
   
   
8. Tomorrow is Big Trash Day in Norman. We have a few things to put out, mostly old lawn furniture from summers past. Some of my neighbors have already started putting things out and i'm amazed at the crap folks have! What in the world are folks doing with 6 fridges in their garage!?
   
   
9. Even though i saved so much money last month relaxing my own hair, i'm going to the salon next week. The home kits only last so long and my hair is looking ROUGH and i can't take it anymore. Having it done professionally is worth every green cent. I hate coming my hair and it sounds like someone is biting into an apple.
   
   
10. My brother-in-law swears he found a yorkie roaming his neighborhood yesterday. He's asked all the neighbors if the dog belongs to anyone and no one has claimed it. So James and I are going to go check it out later today. We've wanted to get a yorkie for Charlie to play with. I find it hard to believe no one would claim a yorkie, but we shall find out.