Good Hair vs. Bad Hair

I am not a documentary person, but Chris Rock's Good Hair has really piqued my attention. It's about black women and their hair: how we style, why we straighten it, how dangerous the products we use are. Only Chris Rock could take a subject like hair and make it hilarious:


From weaves to relaxers to nappy fros, he talks about it all. I've heard some folks are mad at the documentary because he's "giving away the secrets" of black women's hair. Well, Chris doesn't have to give away Re's secrets, i'm more than happy to tell:

I'm ReRe, and i have BAD hair. For folks who don't know what black peeps mean when they say "bad" and "good" hair, it's simple: bad hair means i have to go to the beauty shop every 4-6 weeks to get it relaxed (that's black girl terminology for straightened) or i will look like Don King. Good hair means you can go awhile without having to do anything to your hair. Basically your hair looks like Beyonce's every day (even though we all know that's a weave).

Speaking of weaves. Another confession: I'm ReRe and i have worn fake hair. I've never had a weave -- i don't like the idea of anything being sewn or glued to my head. But i did rock out some micro braids back in high school and i looked FINE. I also have worn the fake pony tail that you just strap in the back. But don't worry, the tips of my pony were never a fiery orange or purple -- my momma raised me right.

As much as I and as the documentary joke about hair, it really is a big issue to black women -- right behind complexion. I remember being little and putting a towel on my hair, pretending i had long, straight hair. I envied my mom whose indian blood gave her curly reddish hair that she never had to relax. I always heard "You got your hair from your daddy." Which was code for "Bad North Carolina naps." When Middle Bro was born, he had big beautiful curls. And when he grows it out, it's sandy brown and gorgeous. Lil Bro on the other hand got his hair from his sister!
My mom used to always joke that i had better marry a man with good hair or my kids were gonna be (colorful word) in the hair department. Maybe that's why i brought home a white boy -- that almost guarantees my kids are gonna have good hair. NOT! I've seen some mixie kids with some ROUGH hair, especially if their parents don't know how to care for it.

Good Hair says the black hair industry is a $9 billion business. And i believe it. I go see Ms. CoCo every 4-6 weeks and drop $90-$100 to have my hair relaxed and styled. Yeah, i could buy a $6 box relaxer at Sally Beauty Supply, but my hair is wayyy to rough for that. that sucker would only last me a day or so.
I also learned in this doc that the relaxer chemical is dangerous. I'm not surprised really. I knew something had to be strong and dangerous to make my tough stuff straight. Plus if you've had a relaxer, you've probably had a relaxer burn on the top of your ears. OUCH.

To get you through until you go see Good Hair i'm giving you a list of rules:

The rules of black women's hair:

1. Don't touch our hair. Nothing drives me crazier than folks just touching my hair because "i want to see how it feels." I spent most of elementary school pushing kids' hands away from my head.
2. Don't ask to touch our hair. I've never been so intrigued by someone's hair that i wanted to touch it. this is just weird to me.
   
3. Don't ask if we wash our hair. Yes we wash our hair.
4. Don't get our hair wet, or even pretend you are going to. Just because i wash my hair, doesn't mean i want you to wash it. No splashing in the pool.
   
5. Don't ask us if our hair is real. That's like asking a man if he's wearing a toupee. If you have to ask, chances are it's not real.
6. Don't be surprised if our styles change drastically from day to day. (see #5 is you want to know how this is possible).